Monday, June 06, 2011
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Blog giveaway
One of the blogs I follow is having a pretty awesome giveaway please visit her blog.
http://scrapathomemomoasis.blogspot.com/
http://scrapathomemomoasis.blogspot.com/
Thursday, October 22, 2009
As I Watch You Grow
For Julianna and Rachel...
As I Watch You Grow
© Kay Theese
Do you know how much you mean to me?As you grow into what you will be.
You came from within, from just beneath my heart
it's there you'll always be though your own life will now start.
You're growing so fast it sends me awhirl,
With misty eyes I ask, Where's my little girl?
I know sometimes to you I seem harsh and so unfair,
But one day you will see, I taught you well because I care.
The next few years will so quickly fly,
With laughter and joy, mixed with a few tears to cry.
As you begin your growth to womanhood, this fact you must know,
You'll always be my source of pride, no matter where you go.
You must stand up tall and proud, within you feel no fear,
For all you dreams and goals, sit before you very near.
With god's love in your heart and the world by its tail,
You'll always be my winner, and victory will prevail.
For you this poem was written, with help from above,
To tell you in a rhythm of your Mother's heartfelt Love!
Monday, August 03, 2009
When Kids Say . . . It's Not Fair
by Nicki Heskin
When my nearly 6 year-old daughter starts a sentence with "It's not fair," I must admit that I am immediately predisposed not to want to hear what she has to say. Generally, when she starts out this way, we are dealing with one of three issues:
• Some sort of sibling rivalry issue, like something her little sister has or is doing that she wants to have or do as well
• Something that a friend has or can do that she wants or is not allowed to do
• Some sort of grievous mistreatment on my part
Sometimes her points are valid and sometimes they are not, but the "it's not fair" whine is one of those phrases that gets my defenses up, and makes me just not want to care about what comes after. When I realized this, I tried to really think about what bothers me so much about this phrase, and why it makes me so unsympathetic. It occurred to me that the concept of "it's not fair" did not generally feel relevant to me in dealing with my daughter. When I set boundaries or rules for her, I am thinking only about *her* -- not anyone else. What she has or does is determined by her needs, not those of others (admittedly sometimes within the context of or necessarily limited by the needs of our family or of others).
I decided to ask my daughter not to use this phrase anymore. We talked about how "it's not fair" was a lazy way of not figuring out how she felt or what she wanted or needed and expressing appropriately to me. We also discussed that what she has or needs is about her -- that it has little to do with anyone else, including her sister or me. So if there's something she feels strongly about, she needs to tell me what that has to do with her, and not with others.
Here's some examples of how this has worked for us:
• The Sibling Thing – Let me preface this example by admitting… yes, I have a minivan. I bought it when I was pregnant with #2, and the kids ride in their car seats in the middle row, which has two seats with can be slid together or separated. One day my oldest started crying out of nowhere and said, "It's not fair! She gets to sit by the window and I don't!" I reminded her that we don't use "it's not fair" in our family – that where she sits has absolutely nothing to do with where her little sister sits. In fact, her being farther from the window was her choice, because she likes to ride next to her sister. In this case, I could actually fix her concern, because her seat could be easily slid away from her sister and toward the other window. But I didn't want to hear about her sister, I only wanted to hear about what she herself wanted. She thought for a moment and rephrased, "Mommy, could you slide my seat over for this ride? I'd like to sit by the window like Sister does."
• The Friend Thing – Peer envy or peer pressure can be a huge factor in the "it's not fair" declarations. A few months ago, when out shopping at Target, we were passing the shoe section when I got "Mommy, I want jelly shoes." I told her that I didn't think jelly shoes were the best things for her feet, thinking it was just an idle "I want." But then came the immediate breakdown and the "It's not fair! Ruby in my class has them and they don't hurt her feet." I reminded her that we don’t use "it's not fair" in our family, and that her shoes would be based on what was right for her, not what others have. She replied, "But, I like them!" Now that was something for us to talk about. We did end up buying her those shoes, although we talked about how there were a really limited number of things that we'd be getting just because she saw someone else's and liked, so was she sure she wanted to use one of those on the jelly shoes. She did.
• The Me Thing – When she is protesting my treatment of her or decisions with an "I'm not fair," I ask her to identify what she is feeling and let me know that with a statement about *her* rather than about my perceived unfairness. She's been doing a surprisingly good job at this – the resulting statements are somewhat stilted and it draws my attention to the fact that she has caught herself and rephrased (sometimes because the emotion she picks makes for a kind of odd choice). For example, "Mommy, I feel disappointed because I wanted Mighty Bites for breakfast, not O's." Or, "Mommy, I'm angry because you don't let me ride in my friends' cars." In these statements are sometimes valid points that I'm a lot more open to discussing when approached this way than with an "It's not fair!"
In my opinion, "it's not fair" is a pretty annoying and unconstructive phrase that closes down communication rather than opening it up. I hope that by trying to rid this phrase, and ultimately this concept from my daughter's vocabulary, I can teach her to take responsibility to try to identify what she truly wants and needs and ask for it constructively, and/or to express how she feels about what happens to her. This will help her develop these important life skills, rather than hide behind an easy and lazy complaint of "unfair."
Further Recommended Reading:
Faber and Mazlish do a great job talking about the sibling rivalry aspect of "fairness" in their book Siblings Without Rivalry. Something that really resonated with me is their idea that fairness is not necessarily everyone getting the same, but everyone getting what they each need.
For more about identifying and communicating emotions, I like both Daniel Goleman's "Emotional Intelligence" and Faber/Mazlish in "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk." The latter in particular shows parents in really accessible ways how to model emotional speech for kids for improved communication in both the short and long terms.
When my nearly 6 year-old daughter starts a sentence with "It's not fair," I must admit that I am immediately predisposed not to want to hear what she has to say. Generally, when she starts out this way, we are dealing with one of three issues:
• Some sort of sibling rivalry issue, like something her little sister has or is doing that she wants to have or do as well
• Something that a friend has or can do that she wants or is not allowed to do
• Some sort of grievous mistreatment on my part
Sometimes her points are valid and sometimes they are not, but the "it's not fair" whine is one of those phrases that gets my defenses up, and makes me just not want to care about what comes after. When I realized this, I tried to really think about what bothers me so much about this phrase, and why it makes me so unsympathetic. It occurred to me that the concept of "it's not fair" did not generally feel relevant to me in dealing with my daughter. When I set boundaries or rules for her, I am thinking only about *her* -- not anyone else. What she has or does is determined by her needs, not those of others (admittedly sometimes within the context of or necessarily limited by the needs of our family or of others).
I decided to ask my daughter not to use this phrase anymore. We talked about how "it's not fair" was a lazy way of not figuring out how she felt or what she wanted or needed and expressing appropriately to me. We also discussed that what she has or needs is about her -- that it has little to do with anyone else, including her sister or me. So if there's something she feels strongly about, she needs to tell me what that has to do with her, and not with others.
Here's some examples of how this has worked for us:
• The Sibling Thing – Let me preface this example by admitting… yes, I have a minivan. I bought it when I was pregnant with #2, and the kids ride in their car seats in the middle row, which has two seats with can be slid together or separated. One day my oldest started crying out of nowhere and said, "It's not fair! She gets to sit by the window and I don't!" I reminded her that we don't use "it's not fair" in our family – that where she sits has absolutely nothing to do with where her little sister sits. In fact, her being farther from the window was her choice, because she likes to ride next to her sister. In this case, I could actually fix her concern, because her seat could be easily slid away from her sister and toward the other window. But I didn't want to hear about her sister, I only wanted to hear about what she herself wanted. She thought for a moment and rephrased, "Mommy, could you slide my seat over for this ride? I'd like to sit by the window like Sister does."
• The Friend Thing – Peer envy or peer pressure can be a huge factor in the "it's not fair" declarations. A few months ago, when out shopping at Target, we were passing the shoe section when I got "Mommy, I want jelly shoes." I told her that I didn't think jelly shoes were the best things for her feet, thinking it was just an idle "I want." But then came the immediate breakdown and the "It's not fair! Ruby in my class has them and they don't hurt her feet." I reminded her that we don’t use "it's not fair" in our family, and that her shoes would be based on what was right for her, not what others have. She replied, "But, I like them!" Now that was something for us to talk about. We did end up buying her those shoes, although we talked about how there were a really limited number of things that we'd be getting just because she saw someone else's and liked, so was she sure she wanted to use one of those on the jelly shoes. She did.
• The Me Thing – When she is protesting my treatment of her or decisions with an "I'm not fair," I ask her to identify what she is feeling and let me know that with a statement about *her* rather than about my perceived unfairness. She's been doing a surprisingly good job at this – the resulting statements are somewhat stilted and it draws my attention to the fact that she has caught herself and rephrased (sometimes because the emotion she picks makes for a kind of odd choice). For example, "Mommy, I feel disappointed because I wanted Mighty Bites for breakfast, not O's." Or, "Mommy, I'm angry because you don't let me ride in my friends' cars." In these statements are sometimes valid points that I'm a lot more open to discussing when approached this way than with an "It's not fair!"
In my opinion, "it's not fair" is a pretty annoying and unconstructive phrase that closes down communication rather than opening it up. I hope that by trying to rid this phrase, and ultimately this concept from my daughter's vocabulary, I can teach her to take responsibility to try to identify what she truly wants and needs and ask for it constructively, and/or to express how she feels about what happens to her. This will help her develop these important life skills, rather than hide behind an easy and lazy complaint of "unfair."
Further Recommended Reading:
Faber and Mazlish do a great job talking about the sibling rivalry aspect of "fairness" in their book Siblings Without Rivalry. Something that really resonated with me is their idea that fairness is not necessarily everyone getting the same, but everyone getting what they each need.
For more about identifying and communicating emotions, I like both Daniel Goleman's "Emotional Intelligence" and Faber/Mazlish in "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk." The latter in particular shows parents in really accessible ways how to model emotional speech for kids for improved communication in both the short and long terms.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Book List preK-K
I've been wanting to do this for a while now...I would love to keep a list of books we read...at least the ones we like? Julianna is 5 1/2 and Rachel is 3 1/2. It used to be harder to read to them at the same time b/c they weren't interested in the same books...but now we can do that much more! It has also been amazing to see Julianna learning to read. I tried Alphaphonics with Julianna but it was too difficult after the first 2 or 3 pages. In the last half of last year, we used Reading Made Easy. I think using the index card approach really helped her see how words are put together. The pace was also good...not too overwhelming. We got up to lesson 23...but that was enough to get her started! Yesterday (7/8/08), she read Green Eggs and Ham by herself! God is amazing in how He created our brains!
(CL)=cerritos library
(LL)=los angeles county library
Non-Fiction
Numbers Counting It Up -Michele Koomen (CL)
Patterns What Comes Next? -Michele Koomen (CL)
Fractions Making Fair Shares -Michele Koomen (CL)
What is a Solid? -Jennifer Boothroyd (CL)
Uncle Arthur's Bedtime Stories
(1-Peter Pays Up, The Two Carolines, Diana's Donkey Ride, Poor Priscilla, Unlucky Jim)
Values to live by series (Self-Control, Fairness, Friendship, Courage, Respect, Responsibility, Joy, Caring, Patience, Love, Understanding, Obedience, Hugging, Helping, Carefulness, Good Sportsmanship)
Sing Along Bible Songs
Yum! Yuck! : a foldout book of people sounds / Park, Linda Sue
The miracle worker [DVD (videorecording)] / Beugen, Suzy
Bicycle race / Crews, Donald
Super sand castle Saturday / Murphy, Stuart
The story of Ruby Bridges / Coles, Robert
The value of facing a challenge : the story of Terry Fox / Johnson, Ann Donegan
The value of humility : the story of Mother Teresa / Johnson, Ann Donegan
The value of love : the story of Johnny Appleseed / Johnson, Ann Donegan
The value of self-discipline : the story of Alexander Graham Bell / Johnson, Ann Donegan
Teach me-- Chinese [audiobook on CD] : [a musical journey through the day] / Mahoney, Judy.
Hearing / Suhr, Mandy
Taste / Suhr, Mandy
Me and the measure of things / Sweeney, Joan
Follow the water from brook to ocean / Dorros, Arthur
I get wet / Cobb, Vicki
700 kids on Grandpa's farm / Morris, Ann, 1930-
Beatrice's goat / McBrier, Page.
Life on a goat farm
Octopus / Stefoff, Rebecca, 1951-
Pocahontas, girl of Jamestown / Jassem, Kate.
Young Abraham Lincoln : log-cabin president / Woods, Andrew.
Young Amelia Earhart : a dream to fly
Young George Washington : America's first president / Woods, Andrew
Young Jackie Robinson : baseball hero / Farrell, Edward
Young Martin Luther King, Jr. : "I have a dream" / Mattern, Joanne, 1963-
Young Pocahontas : Indian princess / Benjamin, Anne.
Fiction
Green Eggs and Ham -Dr. Seuss
Flat Stanley -Jeff Brown
Chicka Chicka Boom Boom -Bill Martin Jr
The Stray Dog -Marc Simont
Now One Foot, Now the Other -Tomie de Paola (LL)
Nana Upstairs & Nana Downstairs -Tomie de Paola (LL)
Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge -Mem Fox (LL)
The Lot at the End of My Block -Kevin Lewis (LL)
The Rag Coat -Lauren Mills (LL)
Welcome With Love -Jenni Overend
Corduroy-Don Freeman
A Pocket for Corduroy-Don Freeman (LL)
Angus and the Cat-Marjorie Flack
The Little House -Virginia Lee Burton
Miss Rumphius-Barbara Cooney
Kitten's First Full Moon -Kevin Henkes
Flotsam-David Wiesner
Someday-Alison McGhee
My Dog is as Smelly as Dirty Socks-Hanoch Piven
Bee-bim Bop!-Linda Sue Park
Katy and the Big Snow-Virginia Burton
Little Fur Family-Margaret Wise Brown
Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel-Virginia Lee Burton
Norman the Doorman-Don Freeman
Apple fractions / Pallotta, Jerry
Charlie needs a cloak / De Paola, Tomie
Bear shadow / Asch, Frank
Who's there? : a book of knock-knock jokes / Dahl, Michael
Knock, knock! Who's there? : my first book of knock-knock jokes / Hills, Tad
Like butter on pancakes / London, Jonathan
Riddle me this! : riddles and stories to challenge your mind / Lupton, Hugh
The birthday box : happy birthday to me! / Patricelli, Leslie
The greatest treasure / Demi
The napping house / Wood, Audrey
Whistle for Willie / Keats, Ezra Jack
Christina Katerina and the box / Gauch, Patricia Lee
The seasons of Arnold's apple tree / Gibbons, Gail
A house is a house for me / Hoberman, Mary Ann
Knuffle bunny : a cautionary tale / Willems, Mo
Knuffle Bunny too : a case of mistaken identity / Willems, Mo
Pepper's valentine surprise / Bleck, Linda.
Angelina ballerina / Holabird, Katharine
Daniel's duck / Bulla, Clyde Robert
Ella sets the stage / D'Amico, Carmela.
The bee tree / Polacco, Patricia.
A new coat for Anna / Ziefert, Harriet
A Little Prairie House /adapted from the Little House Books Wilder, Laura Ingalls
The cat who wore a pot on her head /Slepian, Jan
Gooseberry goose / Freedman, Claire
The water hole / Base, Graeme
Horton hears a who! / Seuss, Dr
A small miracle / Collington, Peter
Oops-a-Daisy! / Freedman, Claire
Pelle's new suit / Beskow, Elsa Maartman
The little red lighthouse and the great gray bridge
Maisy goes to the library / Cousins, Lucy
Little Bunny's pacifier plan / Boelts, Maribeth
Young Cam Jansen and the lost tooth / Adler, David
Young Cam Jansen and the pizza shop mystery / Adler, David
A day with Daddy / Gikow, Louise
Alfred digs / George, Lindsay
Biscuit wins a prize / Capucilli, Alyssa
Bathtime for Biscuit
Biscuit and the baby
Biscuit wants to play
Biscuit's new trick
Curious George takes a job / Rey, H. A. (Hans Augusto), 1898-1977.
Dear deer : a book of homophones / Barretta, Gene.
First the egg / Seeger, Laura Vaccaro.
I love you because you're you [audiobook on CD]
Happy birthday, Biscuit!
How do dinosaurs say good night? [audiobook on CD] / Yolen, Jane.
Little Bitty Mousie / Aylesworth, Jim.
Oh, look! / Polacco, Patricia.
Olive, my love / Walsh, Vivian.
Oops-a-Daisy! / Freedman, Claire.
Pelle's new suit / Beskow, Elsa Maartman, 1874-1953.
Pinocho [audiobook on cassette] ; Juanito en la tierra del gigante = Pinocchio ; Jack and the beanstalk / Irvine, Rex J., 1924-
Presidents' Day / Rockwell, Anne F.
Purplicious / Kann, Victoria.
Silly Suzy Goose / Petr Horácek / Horácek, Petr.
Skippyjon Jones
The goat in the rug / Blood, Charles L., 1929-
What a wonderful world / Weiss, George
Young Cam Jansen and the baseball mystery / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the dinosaur game / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the Double Beach mystery / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the ice skate mystery / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the library mystery / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the missing cookie / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the new girl mystery / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the spotted cat mystery / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the substitute mystery / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the zoo note mystery / Adler, David A.
Parenting/Other
Building moral intelligence : the seven essential virtues that teach kids to do the right thing / Borba, Michele
A gift for giving : making the most of the present / Lang, Donna
How to take the grrrr out of anger / Verdick, Elizabeth
Clean house, clean planet : clean your house for pennies a day, the safe, nontoxic way / Logan, Karen
(CL)=cerritos library
(LL)=los angeles county library
Non-Fiction
Numbers Counting It Up -Michele Koomen (CL)
Patterns What Comes Next? -Michele Koomen (CL)
Fractions Making Fair Shares -Michele Koomen (CL)
What is a Solid? -Jennifer Boothroyd (CL)
Uncle Arthur's Bedtime Stories
(1-Peter Pays Up, The Two Carolines, Diana's Donkey Ride, Poor Priscilla, Unlucky Jim)
Values to live by series (Self-Control, Fairness, Friendship, Courage, Respect, Responsibility, Joy, Caring, Patience, Love, Understanding, Obedience, Hugging, Helping, Carefulness, Good Sportsmanship)
Sing Along Bible Songs
Yum! Yuck! : a foldout book of people sounds / Park, Linda Sue
The miracle worker [DVD (videorecording)] / Beugen, Suzy
Bicycle race / Crews, Donald
Super sand castle Saturday / Murphy, Stuart
The story of Ruby Bridges / Coles, Robert
The value of facing a challenge : the story of Terry Fox / Johnson, Ann Donegan
The value of humility : the story of Mother Teresa / Johnson, Ann Donegan
The value of love : the story of Johnny Appleseed / Johnson, Ann Donegan
The value of self-discipline : the story of Alexander Graham Bell / Johnson, Ann Donegan
Teach me-- Chinese [audiobook on CD] : [a musical journey through the day] / Mahoney, Judy.
Hearing / Suhr, Mandy
Taste / Suhr, Mandy
Me and the measure of things / Sweeney, Joan
Follow the water from brook to ocean / Dorros, Arthur
I get wet / Cobb, Vicki
700 kids on Grandpa's farm / Morris, Ann, 1930-
Beatrice's goat / McBrier, Page.
Life on a goat farm
Octopus / Stefoff, Rebecca, 1951-
Pocahontas, girl of Jamestown / Jassem, Kate.
Young Abraham Lincoln : log-cabin president / Woods, Andrew.
Young Amelia Earhart : a dream to fly
Young George Washington : America's first president / Woods, Andrew
Young Jackie Robinson : baseball hero / Farrell, Edward
Young Martin Luther King, Jr. : "I have a dream" / Mattern, Joanne, 1963-
Young Pocahontas : Indian princess / Benjamin, Anne.
Fiction
Green Eggs and Ham -Dr. Seuss
Flat Stanley -Jeff Brown
Chicka Chicka Boom Boom -Bill Martin Jr
The Stray Dog -Marc Simont
Now One Foot, Now the Other -Tomie de Paola (LL)
Nana Upstairs & Nana Downstairs -Tomie de Paola (LL)
Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge -Mem Fox (LL)
The Lot at the End of My Block -Kevin Lewis (LL)
The Rag Coat -Lauren Mills (LL)
Welcome With Love -Jenni Overend
Corduroy-Don Freeman
A Pocket for Corduroy-Don Freeman (LL)
Angus and the Cat-Marjorie Flack
The Little House -Virginia Lee Burton
Miss Rumphius-Barbara Cooney
Kitten's First Full Moon -Kevin Henkes
Flotsam-David Wiesner
Someday-Alison McGhee
My Dog is as Smelly as Dirty Socks-Hanoch Piven
Bee-bim Bop!-Linda Sue Park
Katy and the Big Snow-Virginia Burton
Little Fur Family-Margaret Wise Brown
Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel-Virginia Lee Burton
Norman the Doorman-Don Freeman
Apple fractions / Pallotta, Jerry
Charlie needs a cloak / De Paola, Tomie
Bear shadow / Asch, Frank
Who's there? : a book of knock-knock jokes / Dahl, Michael
Knock, knock! Who's there? : my first book of knock-knock jokes / Hills, Tad
Like butter on pancakes / London, Jonathan
Riddle me this! : riddles and stories to challenge your mind / Lupton, Hugh
The birthday box : happy birthday to me! / Patricelli, Leslie
The greatest treasure / Demi
The napping house / Wood, Audrey
Whistle for Willie / Keats, Ezra Jack
Christina Katerina and the box / Gauch, Patricia Lee
The seasons of Arnold's apple tree / Gibbons, Gail
A house is a house for me / Hoberman, Mary Ann
Knuffle bunny : a cautionary tale / Willems, Mo
Knuffle Bunny too : a case of mistaken identity / Willems, Mo
Pepper's valentine surprise / Bleck, Linda.
Angelina ballerina / Holabird, Katharine
Daniel's duck / Bulla, Clyde Robert
Ella sets the stage / D'Amico, Carmela.
The bee tree / Polacco, Patricia.
A new coat for Anna / Ziefert, Harriet
A Little Prairie House /adapted from the Little House Books Wilder, Laura Ingalls
The cat who wore a pot on her head /Slepian, Jan
Gooseberry goose / Freedman, Claire
The water hole / Base, Graeme
Horton hears a who! / Seuss, Dr
A small miracle / Collington, Peter
Oops-a-Daisy! / Freedman, Claire
Pelle's new suit / Beskow, Elsa Maartman
The little red lighthouse and the great gray bridge
Maisy goes to the library / Cousins, Lucy
Little Bunny's pacifier plan / Boelts, Maribeth
Young Cam Jansen and the lost tooth / Adler, David
Young Cam Jansen and the pizza shop mystery / Adler, David
A day with Daddy / Gikow, Louise
Alfred digs / George, Lindsay
Biscuit wins a prize / Capucilli, Alyssa
Bathtime for Biscuit
Biscuit and the baby
Biscuit wants to play
Biscuit's new trick
Curious George takes a job / Rey, H. A. (Hans Augusto), 1898-1977.
Dear deer : a book of homophones / Barretta, Gene.
First the egg / Seeger, Laura Vaccaro.
I love you because you're you [audiobook on CD]
Happy birthday, Biscuit!
How do dinosaurs say good night? [audiobook on CD] / Yolen, Jane.
Little Bitty Mousie / Aylesworth, Jim.
Oh, look! / Polacco, Patricia.
Olive, my love / Walsh, Vivian.
Oops-a-Daisy! / Freedman, Claire.
Pelle's new suit / Beskow, Elsa Maartman, 1874-1953.
Pinocho [audiobook on cassette] ; Juanito en la tierra del gigante = Pinocchio ; Jack and the beanstalk / Irvine, Rex J., 1924-
Presidents' Day / Rockwell, Anne F.
Purplicious / Kann, Victoria.
Silly Suzy Goose / Petr Horácek / Horácek, Petr.
Skippyjon Jones
The goat in the rug / Blood, Charles L., 1929-
What a wonderful world / Weiss, George
Young Cam Jansen and the baseball mystery / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the dinosaur game / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the Double Beach mystery / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the ice skate mystery / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the library mystery / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the missing cookie / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the new girl mystery / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the spotted cat mystery / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the substitute mystery / Adler, David A.
Young Cam Jansen and the zoo note mystery / Adler, David A.
Parenting/Other
Building moral intelligence : the seven essential virtues that teach kids to do the right thing / Borba, Michele
A gift for giving : making the most of the present / Lang, Donna
How to take the grrrr out of anger / Verdick, Elizabeth
Clean house, clean planet : clean your house for pennies a day, the safe, nontoxic way / Logan, Karen
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Helping Your Child Cope with School Transitions
Helping Your Child Cope with School Transitions
By Leah Davies, M.Ed.
Children report moving, leaving friends, and changing grades or schools as being highly stressful. To assist them with transitions the following ideas may be helpful:
- If the family is moving, take pictures of friends and familiar places and offer ways to keep in contact with close friends via phone, email, and letters. Help your child talk about what he or she will miss and about what will be new and different.
- Encourage your child to discuss the future transition by asking questions such as, "What have you been thinking about your new school?" Make a list of your child's concerns and together try to find answers to the questions. Many schools have internet sites that describe procedures, show virtual tours, and answer common questions.
- If you have a choice of schools, listen to your child's ideas about what is important to him or her. After visiting various schools, openly discuss the strengths and weaknesses of each. Although the final decision is yours, it is important that your child feel included in the decision making process.
- Help your child get to know the new environment beforehand. When possible visit the school together. Even viewing it from a car or seeing a photograph of the building is better than leaving the first day to the child's imagination.
- Let your child know it is natural to feel apprehensive. He or she may be fearful of not being accepted by peers or about mastering the logistics or academics of a new grade or school. Share childhood memories of times when you were worried about a new situation. Relate the good things that happened like how you met your best friend or that your new teacher was one of your favorites.
- Keep the days leading up to the transition as positive as possible. Stress that his or her class will offer many new experiences. The night before the first day, have your child lay out everything needed for school. The next morning allow time to get ready in a calm manner.
- Buy school supplies and required materials. Go over the walk to school or to the bus stop. Empower your child by discussing actions he or she can take if a problem arises. Ask, "What concerns you most about school?" Listen and then ask, "If that happens, what will you do?" Help your child think of constructive ways to deal with a difficult situation.
- Expect the transition to be ultimately successful. Yet, remember that adjustments take time and the first days in a new school are often overwhelming. Your attitude can help your child; let him or her know you are confident in his ability to adjust well.
- Attend the school's orientation, open house, and/or tour the school with your child. Be involved by asking for a copy of the school's calendar and handbook. Join the Parent-Teacher Organization or parent advisory board. Get to know other parents, especially parents of your child's new friends.
- Be available after school starts. Understand that your child may need extra time, attention and support. When there is a change, he or she may regress to an earlier developmental stage. Plan time for family fun because when transitions occur, families are a necessary source of love and support.
- Invite your child to express his or her emotions. Even when a concern seems minor to you, be respectful and know that it can be a major crisis to your child. Try to put yourself in his or her place and understand the feelings expressed. Ask open ended questions like, "How's it going?" or make comments like, "You seem sad." Then listen carefully and avoid giving advice unless your child asks for it.
- Help your child explore ways to cope with concerns, and continue to be available for further discussion. Be ready to problem-solve with him or her. You may want to role play a situation that is causing anxiety.
- Encourage your child to try new things by participating in one or two extracurricular activities. Help him or her understand that trying is what is important, and that one does not always have to be successful.
- Continue to foster your child's organizational skills and assist him or her in becoming responsible and independent. Stay interested and provide rules and structure. Yet, allow your child to have input into what the rules are.
- If after an adjustment period of time, your child is reluctant to go to school or seems truly unhappy, seek help. Identify your concerns and meet with your child's teacher and/or school counselor. Together, perhaps with the child being present, work out a plan of action.
To Tell the Truth
To Tell the Truth
By Leah Davies, M.Ed.
It is normal for young children to deny allegations, blame others for their mistakes or make up stories. They find it hard to distinguish fiction from reality. Until the age of six or seven, fantasy is a part of children's lives. However, children beyond that age can develop a pattern of deception that can negatively affect their social and emotional development.
Children in elementary school typically know when they are lying. They may lie because they feel trapped, fear punishment, want to please adults, or because the adults around them are dishonest. They may also tell lies to avoid humiliation, escape from work or failure, boost their self-esteem, receive special attention, protect themselves or others, receive peer acceptance, gain something they want, or hide an antisocial behavior such as drug use.
Here are some ideas for educators on how to address this issue...
1. Avoid lengthy lectures and severe punishment because they tend to increase the chances of children lying as a defense mechanism. Instead, create a non-threatening environment where children feel safe to tell the truth. Focus on building closeness and trust with students. Never call a child a "liar" because children have a tendency to live up to negative labels.
2. Use consequences rather than retaliation. Children who receive harsh punishments for telling lies often become skillful at deception. When they can trust adults not to overreact, children are more likely to acknowledge a lie. Allow children to experience consequences for their behavior. For example, if a child denies tripping another child, he must sit alone or loose a privilege.
3. Do not ignore lying. If the goal is to get your attention, the student may tell even more lies. Instead, remind yourself that a child who consistently lies has a problem and needs help to be successful. Always like the child, but not the behavior.
4. Look for reasons or patterns. Ask yourself, why is this child being dishonest? Does he want attention? Is he seeking power or excitement? Is she doing it to avoid punishment or school work? Does he or she feel inadequate or overwhelmed? Try to accentuate the child's strengths and make sure your expectations are appropriate for the child.
5. Call attention to a child if he or she tells the truth by saying something like, "Thank you, Ryan, for being honest. I admire the way you are willing to face the consequence and I know you can handle it." When truthfulness is acknowledged it is much more likely to be repeated, so reinforce it by saying, "When you are truthful, people will trust you."
6. Share hypothetical situations with the class by asking "what if..." questions. If the school rule is that we treat each other with kindness, what if Tom teased the new boy and would not let him play. When the teacher saw the interaction, she said, "Tom, I saw you teasing Michael. What will you do now to help him feel better?" Tom responded, "I didn't do anything!" (Tom not only got one consequence, but two, since he lied about the teasing.)
The teacher can ask the class the following:
Did Tom tell the truth?
If you were Michael, how would you feel?
Why is it important to tell the truth?
7. Avoid saying, "If you tell the truth, you won't be punished." Rather teach students that everyone makes mistakes, but that there are consequences for lying. One idea is if a child breaks a rule, there is one consequence and if he or she lies about it, there is an additional one. Dealing with lies in a calm, yet disciplined way teaches children that they are responsible for their behavior.
8. Never ask a child a question that invites him or her to lie. For example, do not say, "Did you take the envelope with lunch money off my desk?" Rather describe what you observe in a calm voice, "I see that the money envelope is gone. I am sad that someone took something that was not theirs. It belongs to all of the students and needs to be returned."
9. When what happened is unknown, ask the children about it. Observe their facial expressions and other nonverbal behaviors. Listen for inconsistencies in the stories they tell. Ask yourself, "Are the comments spontaneous or rehearsed, believable or full of contradictions?" If you suspect a child is lying, having him or her repeat his story can be helpful in determining the truth.
10. Assist a child in saving face if he or she begins to tell a lie. Instead of saying, "That's a lie!" say something like, "That doesn't sound right to me," or "Wait, I need to hear the truth." Then the child may say something like, "Oh, I forgot, it wasn't exactly like that..." Or simply give attention without hearing the lie by interrupting it with a request, "(Child's name), I need you to collect the papers."
11. When appropriate, talk about imagination and how sometimes children lie to protect themselves or others. You could say something like, "(child's name), you have a vivid imagination. Your stories are exciting, but now I need to hear the truth," or "In this room we care about each other and it is okay to make mistakes. But, it's not okay to lie to me."
12. Discuss lying with a guilty child as privately as possible, and avoid shaming him or her. Your goal is to help the child become more honest. Attempt to find a solution to the problem together by stating what happened and by asking something like, "What will you do now to make things right?" If the child has no response, provide some suggestions from which he or she can choose.
13. Model honesty and fairness toward your students and peers. Point out that people can learn from their mistakes, and that if a lie is told it can be rectified if the child or adult acknowledges it. (For children ages three to ten, see the Kelly Bear Behavior book that deals with lying.)
14. If lying becomes a significant problem, involve a parent or parents. Help them see that every child needs to feel loved and cared for, even if he or she is not always truthful. Together explore appropriate consequences and rewards that will reinforce truthfulness.
15. Seek additional professional help if a child exhibits a repetitive pattern of lying and/or continually denies doing it. Persistent lying can be a symptom of a more serious mental health problem.
7 Questions that Will Help your Children Choose Right Over Wrong
By: Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman
We must arm our children with some Powerful Questions that can help them to choose right over wrong.
(1) What is the voice inside my gut telling me to do? Teaching children to listen to their gut is a very important skill. Our bodies often tell us what our minds our try to disguise. If your child chooses right or wrong, ask them, what made you make that choice? What was your gut telling you to do? What will you do next time?
(2) Could I look my parents/friend/teacher in the eye after I do it? We often know when our children are lying because they can not look us in the eye. Helping your children to understand that answering “no” to this question is a sign that they may be on the verge of making a poor choice.
(3) Could I look at myself in the mirror after I do it? This is really the crux of it, isn’t it? In fact, this is the way my own mother explained the meaning of integrity to me. If our children feel that they could not look at their own selves in the mirror after making this choice and be proud of what they did, they should take it as a warning that the impending choice could bring them a feeling of regret or shame.
(4) Would I do this behavior whether someone was watching me or not? In my opinion, the definition of good character is choosing to do the right thing whether all eyes are on you or all eyes are looking away. If your child can not answer “yes” to both scenarios, then she should probably not be doing it.
(5) Does the end justify the means? This can be a tough concept for children. After all, if they want an A on their book report and get an A on their book report that should be a good thing, right? Yes, accept when that A is achieved through dishonest means such as cheating. Sometimes, children have trouble remembering that parents actually care more about effort and character than about their child being the very best regardless of the cost. We must be patient and clear up this confusion so that children will choose “right” over “best” when faced with a question of integrity.
(6) Am I doing this because it is right or because it is popular? We have all heard of peer pressure. This phenomenon can happen on a variety of levels. Think of the child who argues that his friend, who clearly lost the race, crossed the finish line first. In this case, the child succumbs to the rules of friendship over the rules of fairness and integrity. We also see it when the child chooses to climb the fence because his friends are doing it rather than because he desires to do it himself. Either way, he is letting the popular thing get in the way of doing the right thing. We must teach our children not to allow popularity to cloud our judgment because in the end, the truth always comes out.
(7) Am I being who I am or am I being who others want me to be? This question coincides with number 6. We want our children to be themselves. When they alter their thoughts, actions, appearance, or choices because others want it that way, they are doing a major disservice to themselves and others. On the one hand, they are not allowing others to get to know the real individual behind the farce. On the other hand, they are building their friendships on a lie. As Clarissa Pinkola Estes, author of Women Who Run with the Wolves, wrote, “If you live your life trying to please others, half the people will like you and half won’t. And if you live your life according to your own truth, half the people will like you and half won’t.” The underlying question it brings up—which half do you want as friends—those who like you for who you actually are or the person you are pretending to be?
As we know, mistakes will happen. If we use those mistakes to help our children make better choices next time, we will be strengthening their integrity. In the end, we are cultivating future leaders. And I imagine, as Powerful Parents, you would agree, that we want our future leaders to base their decisions on well-instilled values and principles rather than what is fast, popular, and self-serving.
This article was originally printed in the award-winning Bay State Parent Magazine.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Parent's Prayer
Here is another prayer for our children...
Oh, God, my Father in Heaven, please make me a better parent. Help me to understand my children, to listen patiently to what they have to say, and to respond to their questions kindly. Help me to look not only to my interests, but also to theirs. Help me to see in them the gifts that you have placed, to nurture those gifts and add to them skills and experience. Keep me from interrupting them, talking back to them, and contradicting them. Let their words be precious to my ears. Make me as courteous to them as I would have them be to me. Prevent me from uttering words that are careless and do not lift them up. Fill my mouth with sound instruction and encouragement.
May I grant them all of their wishes that are reasonable and have the courage and strength to always withhold a privilege or gift which I know will do them harm - no matter what anyone else thinks. Let me test all things against the laws of Your Word. Let me give light to your Word in every circumstance, talking about it all the day long so that their entire world-view is wrapped up in your promises and truth. Let me base my decisions in love and be consistent in my parenting according to your precepts. Let them see me give you first place in my life and let them see me faithfully devote myself to the study of your Word and prayer.
Reduce, I pray, the meanness in me. May I cease to nag; and when I am out of sorts, help me, O Lord, to hold my tongue. Blind me to the little errors of my children and help me to see the good things they do. Give me a ready word for honest praise. Let me fall in love with them every day all over again. Help me appreciate the giggles and wiggles that you have placed in them instead of seeing them as an annoyance. Oh, that I could find joy in their laughter and not be so serious and distracted by the anxieties of life that I miss the short time I have to play with them and pick them up. Let me hold and kiss them each day.
Help me to treat my children as those of their own age. Let me not expect from them the restraint and judgment of an adult. Allow me not to rob them of the opportunity to wait upon themselves, to think for themselves, to discover for themselves, and to make their own decisions whenever possible. Help me to foster an environment of learning and a full knowledge of your Word. Lead me on straight paths in choosing what I teach to my children and help me be a thorough educator, never forsaking the building of their relationship with you or the character you desire in them for academics only.
Forgive my children any sins they commit - bring them to the surface so they may be dealt with early on. Forbid that I should ever punish them for my selfish satisfaction or out of anger. Give me the courage to confess my sins against my children and ask them for forgiveness when I know I have done wrong. May I not vainly hurt the feelings of my children. Forbid that I should laugh at their mistakes, or resort to shame and ridicule as punishment. Let me not tempt my children to lie or steal. Guide me hour by hour that I may demonstrate by all I say and do that honesty produces happiness. Let me be used by You to guide them into Your arms by my life.
Make me so fair and just, so considerate, companionable, and gentle - that they will have a genuine esteem for me. Fit me to be loved and imitated by my children as a Proverbs 31 woman. Let your Son shine in my heart as a beacon for them. Bless them and the future mates they will marry, protect them from physical harm and the spiritual wickedness that seeks to devour them in this world. Keep their minds, souls, hearts and bodies pure before you. Give them a heart that seeks to obey and please You. Let them desire to know You. Let their earthly father and I be the example of love and loyalty that they need to feel secure and know what to seek out in a relationship when they are grown. Oh, Father, give me the calm, poise, grace, wisdom and self-control that I need to ensure that they see You in my life.
Help me to display order, good stewardship, responsibility and patience in such a way that it will become part of who they are as well. May I bless you in honor for your trust in me to raise them. Let them grow to be oaks of righteousness - plantings of the Lord for the display of your splendor. Let goodness and mercy follow them through their whole lives. May they be bound to You forever, Amen.
Oh, God, my Father in Heaven, please make me a better parent. Help me to understand my children, to listen patiently to what they have to say, and to respond to their questions kindly. Help me to look not only to my interests, but also to theirs. Help me to see in them the gifts that you have placed, to nurture those gifts and add to them skills and experience. Keep me from interrupting them, talking back to them, and contradicting them. Let their words be precious to my ears. Make me as courteous to them as I would have them be to me. Prevent me from uttering words that are careless and do not lift them up. Fill my mouth with sound instruction and encouragement.
May I grant them all of their wishes that are reasonable and have the courage and strength to always withhold a privilege or gift which I know will do them harm - no matter what anyone else thinks. Let me test all things against the laws of Your Word. Let me give light to your Word in every circumstance, talking about it all the day long so that their entire world-view is wrapped up in your promises and truth. Let me base my decisions in love and be consistent in my parenting according to your precepts. Let them see me give you first place in my life and let them see me faithfully devote myself to the study of your Word and prayer.
Reduce, I pray, the meanness in me. May I cease to nag; and when I am out of sorts, help me, O Lord, to hold my tongue. Blind me to the little errors of my children and help me to see the good things they do. Give me a ready word for honest praise. Let me fall in love with them every day all over again. Help me appreciate the giggles and wiggles that you have placed in them instead of seeing them as an annoyance. Oh, that I could find joy in their laughter and not be so serious and distracted by the anxieties of life that I miss the short time I have to play with them and pick them up. Let me hold and kiss them each day.
Help me to treat my children as those of their own age. Let me not expect from them the restraint and judgment of an adult. Allow me not to rob them of the opportunity to wait upon themselves, to think for themselves, to discover for themselves, and to make their own decisions whenever possible. Help me to foster an environment of learning and a full knowledge of your Word. Lead me on straight paths in choosing what I teach to my children and help me be a thorough educator, never forsaking the building of their relationship with you or the character you desire in them for academics only.
Forgive my children any sins they commit - bring them to the surface so they may be dealt with early on. Forbid that I should ever punish them for my selfish satisfaction or out of anger. Give me the courage to confess my sins against my children and ask them for forgiveness when I know I have done wrong. May I not vainly hurt the feelings of my children. Forbid that I should laugh at their mistakes, or resort to shame and ridicule as punishment. Let me not tempt my children to lie or steal. Guide me hour by hour that I may demonstrate by all I say and do that honesty produces happiness. Let me be used by You to guide them into Your arms by my life.
Make me so fair and just, so considerate, companionable, and gentle - that they will have a genuine esteem for me. Fit me to be loved and imitated by my children as a Proverbs 31 woman. Let your Son shine in my heart as a beacon for them. Bless them and the future mates they will marry, protect them from physical harm and the spiritual wickedness that seeks to devour them in this world. Keep their minds, souls, hearts and bodies pure before you. Give them a heart that seeks to obey and please You. Let them desire to know You. Let their earthly father and I be the example of love and loyalty that they need to feel secure and know what to seek out in a relationship when they are grown. Oh, Father, give me the calm, poise, grace, wisdom and self-control that I need to ensure that they see You in my life.
Help me to display order, good stewardship, responsibility and patience in such a way that it will become part of who they are as well. May I bless you in honor for your trust in me to raise them. Let them grow to be oaks of righteousness - plantings of the Lord for the display of your splendor. Let goodness and mercy follow them through their whole lives. May they be bound to You forever, Amen.
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